


It's not living (if it's not with you)

by bbydollnana



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Drinking, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kissing, M/M, References to Drugs, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-28 20:06:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18213002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bbydollnana/pseuds/bbydollnana
Summary: Jeno knew from the start that Jaemin wasn't good for him but either way, he simply couldn't help but fall for the boy.Nomin being each other's medicine but also their own downfall





	It's not living (if it's not with you)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by  
> The 1975 - It's not living  
> Chase Atlantic - Paradise

Jeno totally knows he shouldn't be doing this but there he is anyway.  
He should’ve stayed home instead of coming to the cheap bar downtown just to see him perform. 

Every single night it was the same routine, he watches from afar pretending to be interested on the different bands and performers that entertain the people on the small bar but his eyes are always fixed only on the boy with soft pink hair and the most mind blowing smile he had ever seen in his entire life.

Jeno buys a few drinks to spend time and when the boy’s shift ends he leaves too… leaving no trace behind, almost as if he was never there to begin with.

If his friends knew this was the real reason why he ditches them when they offer to hang out, he’d probably get beaten up but tonight was different though, when he arrived to the bar he waited for the pink haired boy, that he knew was called jaemin, show up but in fact, he never did. 

Jeno left earlier than he always did that night and as he was about to turn around the block he noticed the unmistakable boy with pink hair leaning against the wall of the illuminated alley, blunt in his hand, looking lazily at the sky.

He was about to turn the other way, making the long way home when the pink haired boy called after him and jeno stopped on his tracks; 

He was the only person, apart from jaemin, in the middle of that abandoned alley so he assumed the boy was talking to him and he confirmed it when he turned to face him and the pink haired boy held eye contact with him motioning with his hand for jeno to come closer.

Even if Jeno was a few meters away from the other boy, he could feel his lungs malfunctioning already, he couldn't move or look away even if he wanted to

Jaemin walked up to him smiling with half lidded eyes taking his hand into his and intertwining their fingers together, dragging him along the alleyway walking backwards, never once breaking eye contact.

Jeno felt his heart beating so fast and loud he was sure he could have a heart attack in any second just from looking at the boy in front of him

To say he wasn't completely hypnotized would be a big fat lie, the pink haired boy could be leading him to the edge of the world and he wouldn't mind or even blink through it  
He would simply accept it without hesitation or a question in between

The sudden realization of the situation came a little late inside jeno's brain, he already knew the boy in front of him was beautiful but seeing him up close like this was something completely different.

Jaemin was absolutely breathtaking.

His usually big doe and sparkly eyes were now half lidded, still covered with that mystic and dark charm veil that jeno couldn't help but to fall even deeper for.

Jeno's eyes travelled to the boy's straight and cute nose, his beautiful and long eyelashes that were slowly brushing against his cheeks, his perfect mouth now turning into an even more astonishing smile that could probably melt him completely if he wasn't on his right mind so instead, he just gulped loudly and went back to stare into his beautiful eyes

He felt drunk on the boy just by standing close to him and looking at him.  
Maybe it was the smoke getting into his system mixing with the alcohol he drank earlier but he couldn't begin to explain the way he felt for the other boy

He was so caught up in the moment, lost in the boy's eyes that he only noticed the latter pushing him with him through the black door he was leaning in the first place because of how sudden the movement was

When they first got in, jeno tried to adjust his eyes in attempt to see something inside the completely dark room

‘What was even that place?’ Jeno thought. There was something so absorbing and consuming about that place, he felt weirdly comfortable in the cold dark room, and it lead him to think, for a second, that it might be a good kind of darkness

All the questions and thoughts inside his head went away and vanished completely once jaemin flicked the lights on. 

He adjusted his eyes and looked around while still holding onto jaemin’s hand.  
The place had dimmed lights, filled with a dark, almost melancholic and heavy feeling, just as if he was trying to breathe in honey.  
He ignored the way his lungs left like they were squeezing themselves on purpose an he focused on how the room looked completely aesthetic to his eyes.

The place was anything but small, a lot of mirrors, clothes and makeup products scattered everywhere along with empty bottles and tablets.   
Neon tubes were spread along the place with white round led ones decorating the ceiling and some part of the walls.

When jaemin turned his face towards him by the chin, he almost gasped loudly, feeling his breath caught up in his throat.

If Jaemin looked beautiful on stage and breathtaking up close, jaemin under a mix of different colours from pink neon lights to blue ones adding the mystic atmosphere surrounding them, was something on a completely whole new level.

Jeno could begin to hear a soft and light music coming from behind the door and it was gradually getting louder but never closer.

He watched as jaemin took a long drag from the blunt and exhaled it passing it to Jeno who just took it in between his fingers but never dragged on it.   
He was starting to feel dizzy just by breathing in the place and staring at the boy in front of him, so dizzy it was making his head slightly hurt.

Jaemin came closer to jeno and wrapped his arms around his neck mouthing along to the lyrics of the song in the background that the raven haired boy couldn't quite recognize, so he simply just chose to enjoy the melody and the vibe that seemed to fit the moment and Jaemin perfectly 

The boy’s lips were almost ghosting against his as he could feel the other's warm breath hitting his mouth.   
He smelled like a mix of beer and whiskey and something so sweet it was almost intoxicating but addicting at the same time. 

Exactly the same way the pink haired male made him feel. 

There was something so pulling, sweet and impossible to refuse about jaemin that left jeno wanting more but at the same time he seemed completely out of limits, almost forbidden to him and that's what kept jeno coming every single night again just to watch him

It was almost like a mix of heaven and hell. Jaemin was indeed a mix of heaven and hell colliding. 

The purgatory, Jeno thought, where souls reside until their final destination was decided.

Jeno was about to grab the boy's waist to put him closer but just as he reached out for him jaemin slipped with a twirl from his grasp like the air. Completely silent, leaving him with only a tingling feeling on his fingertips.

He followed Jaemin with his eyes instead but the other boy paid no attention to if he was being watched or not.   
For it was like being a part of the crowd once again and jaemin was up there on the stage giving his best show for himself only.

The way he moved was something totally graceful, jeno could watch him forever and never get tired of it.   
He took a moment to admire the beautiful boy in front of him before he started to feel lightheaded again, totally hypnotized by his movements

Maybe it was the lack of oxygen in the now suffocating room or maybe it was the way jaemin always made him feel: Breathless, making him have a hard time getting air to flow easily to his lungs.. just as if Jaemin was collapsing everything on his way, getting deeper into Jeno’s blood stream and spreading to his whole body from the inside.

Jaemin’s vision was blurry, completely lightheaded but he couldn't help but smile at the feeling of being driven by the music. 

He could be lying on the cold hard floor unconscious for all that he knows but to him, he was floating away, shining and letting all his broken and helpless soul out.

He felt so happy he nearly teared up, cheeks already hurting from how long he's been smiling when instead he was dying on the inside  
It was kind of pathetic how much he relied on so many pretty things to let it all go. He was in love with the lights and faded blurred colors and the way they made him feel. 

Everyday when he gets down the stage he's already finding something new to love… something to fall in love with.   
Something so beautiful and pure it consumes his time and life leaving him feeling like he does right now

Happy and full of life.

Jeno kept staring at the boy being hit by the coloured lights in the exact right places making him look even more beautiful than before (if that's even possible) and unbelievably powerful. 

Jaemin looked inviting, almost tempting dancing his heart out but Jeno knew better than to fall for pretty things. 

For the first time in his lonely life, shiny things were not his priority but that didn’t stop him from reaching out his hand to the lovely boy who looked like a dream in front of him, thin layer of sweat covering his forehead, to then pull him towards him pressing their lips softly and moving them agonizingly slow, blunt completely forgotten somewhere on the messy room

Time felt to have completely stopped at that moment, with jeno's hand cupping jaemin’s face while the other held his waist tightly trying to remember himself that the pink haired boy in front of him was, in fact, real and also to keep him close; but it didn't last long because a second later everything began moving so fast that his mind wanted to take a break from it all and start screaming.

The kiss felt almost like falling into the void.   
Except the void was not a pitched black hole full of his worst nightmares, it was completely the opposite; there was everything he’d ever wanted, needed and more.

The moment his mouth connected with Jaemin’s he felt the dizziness and the pounding on his head getting heavier and almost painful but he didn't care because when the pink haired boy began exploring his mouth with his tongue jeno felt like putty, melting into his touch completely again as he kept kissing him and sucking on his tongue softly

He could now taste into the kiss that sickly sweet scent that was driving Jeno crazy in the beginning and he now knew Jaemin was the one who owned it along with Jeno's heart.

When he pulled the boy even closer to him by the waist, chests pressed together, Jeno feared Jaemin could feel how fast his heart was beating and how bad his hands were actually shaking because everything felt incredibly overwhelming in his head but it made them feel so free and weighless. Completely lightheaded.

Just a kiss was making all their senses heighten and they couldn't help but give into the feeling of wanting more.

Jeno knew what he was getting into, but he couldn't stop against the feeling and, on the other side, Jaemin knew he'd lose either way, no matter what he chooses, so they both let themselves melt into the kiss letting it burn bright and intensely just like their lungs, enjoying every single second of it

In the end, neither of them had anything left to lose once the damage was already done.  
Both of them knew what they were risking for that feeling and still... they silently made the decision to fall for the pretty but dangerous, letting it consume them in the most beautiful (but tragical) way:

Feeling a fake happiness.

First breathing in each other, getting addicted to the feeling and taste of the other on their tongues

Then, falling in love with the chemical reaction inside their bodies making them relax 

Later, the feeling of their lungs collapsing from the lack of oxygen but still not detaching from the other making both their brains light up and expand to the maximum bringing them heaven for just a few minutes only to then short-circuit and shut down almost immediately, making them part away from the other after there was not a single spot left on their bodies unmarked by their favourite pretty thing.

 

Fin.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this as a metaphor for addiction and unhealthy habits/behavior from the pov of the one who's struggling with it.   
> I'm in no way romanticizing or glorifying it.
> 
> I put character death because they are both personified as the 'drug' that end up killing the other


End file.
